Meyer Buyer Pants on Fire

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH.)

Max Meyer has got *palms out, fanning them out in the shape of a rainbow* flash, kid! He’s got a 11+ K/9 in the minors and pinpoint control! Max Meyer has got *palms out, fanning them out in the shape of a rainbow* pizzazz, kid! He’s only six-feet-tall, but he’s got the heart of a gorilla that just took one in the keister for a little kid! Max Meyer *palms out, fanning them out in the shape of a rainbow* is the future, kid! He’s got only two pitches, but, boy, do they sing! Like Ethel Merman in a too-tight brassiere! Max Meyer is *palms out, fanning them out in the shape of a rainbow* stuck behind Elieser Hernandez? C’mon, anyone believe Max Meyer can’t get out from under that cloud of mediocre? He will be called up any day now and, when he is, he could be as good as the Marlins’ 2nd best pitcher, and, for those slow on the uptake, the Marlins have four great pitchers. If you missed out on George Kirby, then Max Meyer is your man. He’s got panache, and I’m not just saying that because I’m pretending to be his agent in 1950. Fix him up with a dame for photos! No one likes a bachelor, see! They wanna imagine themselves with him! In Prospect Itch’s top 25 starting pitcher prospects, Meyer’s been said to have a shot at being an ace-level asset. See, he’s got zing! Also, Prospect Hobbs just gave you his Max Meyer fantasy. We are full-court pressing Meyer, and that’s no bologna! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Jonah Heim – Get him to the Greek! Greek is what I call my catcher slot because it’s the last thing I want to fill.

MJ Melendez – Royals are working Melendez into the lineup any way they can, which bodes well for his future playing time, and at-bats. Plus, unlike some other well-known MJ’s, this one can hit.

Adley Rutschman – Some rumors that he could be called up any day now, so if you’re in a position to stash him, then do it now.

Josh Naylor – Just gave you my Josh Naylor fantasy. It was written why listening to the new Kendrick Lamar, and saying it’s for the culture.

Juan Yepez – This made me chuckle. In RCL leagues, Yepez is rostered in 93% of leagues, and 10% in ESPN. A light chuckle, not a full-throated cackle. Naylor’s in 100% in RCL leagues, and in 13% of ESPN leagues. Does that mean 90% of ESPN leagues have been already abandoned? No, maybe around 85% of their leagues.

Christian Walker – Someone the other day mentioned Christian Walker’s Statcast page. He does look better than he’s looked in the past. Launch Angle up, but not absurd and he’s making much better contact. Don’t think this is some kind of breakout, but it’s good to see vs. just clearly a guy overperforming. Speaking of Statcast:

Brandon Drury – Is this hot schmotato anything more than a guy who happens to be hitting a well? No, but let me ask you this: Who cares? He’s hitting, grab him.

Nolan Gorman – With DeJong being demoted like a limo driver that only carries whole grain mustard, Gorman could be called up at any time. Honestly, not sure what the Cards are waiting for.

Andres Gimenez – Been solid, endgame MI, but — and that but follows me everywhere I go — I wish he’d steal more bags. I can find counting stats and the occasional homer, a guy who could steal 25 bags but only steals 12 leaves a stale taste in the chompers arena. Chompers arena is what I call my mouth, deal with it!

Mauricio Dubon – Is it me or do the Giants make superstars into the least likely castoffs from other teams, but can’t develop any prospects? (It’s not me.)

Royce Lewis – True story, I went to look at the 7-day Player Rater for shortstops, and found literally zero guys to recommend. So, this is more, is Correa going to be out longer than expected? Then great! (Not for him.)

Jose Iglesias – He has zero power, zero speed, but he might hit .300 this year. “Hey, Jose Iglesias, excuse me, Nick Madrigal called about a trademark infringement, and he has Luis Arraez on the line too. Are you available to take the call?”

Alec Bohm – Meh, let’s not spend too much time here, since ESPN says he’s not rostered in 50% of leagues, but I doubt that’s true.

Maikel Franco – The predicted-by-Donkey-Teeth-four-years-ago MVP year from Maikel Franco might finally be here! Or he had a slightly better than mediacre month. Hard to say!

Colin Moran – It’s hard to know if it’s worse to be abandoned by the Pirates, or not. It’s not like the Pirates have great scouting, or front office, or organizational management–Okay, they don’t have much, but what a lovely park.

Manuel Margot – On pace for a 15/30, .280/.380 season. Oh, boy, that’s gonna trigger Mr. Prorater, isn’t it? “Michelangelo could’ve painted three more Sistine Chapels, if he wasn’t always distracted by getting his cheeks pinched by Italian women.” That’s very nice, Mr. Prorate.

Yadiel Hernandez – The good news is this Cuban raftee is finally clicking as a 34-year-old. The really good news is Jose Barrero still has hope. The bad news is he’ll have to wait another ten years. The guessing-at-something news is you didn’t expect to read about Jose Barrero today!

Alek Thomas – As I said the other day, “Our hitter prospect projections are pretty favorable for Al Tom, and you can kinda see why when you look at his profile. Speed/power and great contact — yes, please and thank you. He was on Prospect Itch’s top 100 prospects for 2022 fantasy, and he called him a 15/15/.280 type, but upside, my lovelies, upside.” And that’s me quoting me and linking to Itch!

Ramon Laureano – Wonder if he stands in a hall of mirrors and starts singing The Ramones. These are the kind of thoughts I deal with, regularly.

Ben Gamel – You have to pick him up, because Mat Gamel sacrificed himself so Ben could thrive. Do it for Mat Gamel! Who is Mat Gamel? Uh, his brother. Pick up the crumbs I am laying down, son!

Jack Suwinski – Hopefully he gets a banner outside the stadium soon, like these that honor other great Pirates players like Anthony Banda.

(That is so freakin’ funny to me. Imagine celebrating Anthony Banda. I guess you can’t raise a banner that reads: Service Time Manipulation.)

Tommy Pham – Feels similar to Bohm in that Pham’s gotta be rostered in most leagues. From Pham to Bohm: Guys that Make You Go Hm.

Vidal Brujan – Wish Brujan was on a team that would play him, but then he wouldn’t be developed by the Rays, so he’d suck. Ugh, that’s a Catch-22…Oh no, a bobble! That’s an E-22!

John Gray – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to roadside assistance.

Yusei Kikuchi – This is also a Streamonator call. “I’m on I-95 by the Ho-Ho-Kus Overpass”. Could you send someone out with some time to chat?”

Dylan Floro – Reminds me of one of my favorite Italian rappers, Parme$an and his song, “From the Window to the Floro.” He should be getting saves in Miami for at least a few months until he’s traded in July, but he had a very inauspicious beginning to his season, so he might get all the saves, or none. Bullpens, man.

Danny Jimenez – One of the more puzzling developments this season is Dany Jimenez getting saves. Not that he’s not solid, but the A’s desperately want to trade Lou Trivino, so you’d think they’d want to build up his value. Maybe by not pitching Lou Trivino it’s the best way to build up his value, since he is Lou Trivino.

Brooks Raley – I said I would give you a middle reliever to grab, in addition to the closers, but I’m not sure what Brooks Raley is. Closer? Middle reliever? The kid in To Kill a Mockingbird?

Penn Murfee His name cracks me up. It sounds like a Martin Short character. Who spells Murphy as Murfee? Was his family collectively dropped on their head? Anyhoo! He’s yet another lights-out Mariners’ middle reeleefer.

SELL

Starling Marte – Incredibly, he has the worst exit velocity among everyday hitters in baseball. I’m shocked he’s even got the worst average exit velocity on the Mets, considering they have James McCann. For what it’s Cronenworth, McCann’s ranked 160th in the league, or around the middle, and Starling Marte is ranked numero worsto. Jed Lowrie’s hitting the ball better; David Fletcher is hitting it harder; Whit Merrifield has been better–Okay, literally everyone. I’ve never seen someone’s Statcast look this bad. This makes Ozark’s final season Statcast page look like Giancarlo compared to Marte. You thought Lindor’s previous season was bad? Marte might one-up one-down that. Wouldn’t trade him for another true crime podcast where they just read off the serial killer’s Wikipedia page, but I would go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.

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